Categories :

My (UNAUTHORIZED) UEFA Eurlo 2020 Preview: Team William McCrum (Group D) ***Please also note: My internet is broken so this is all from memory, I can’t look up or verify anything***


Euro 2020 (which for copyright reasons will from here on in be referred to as Eurlo 2020) is just 4 days away, so let’s take a walk down reverse memory lane and put a spotlight on all the competing teams. Who will win it? Who will lose it? Who will draw it? Let all your concerns be allayed as we break down each squad in the lead up to the 16th UEFA Eurlo Championship.

Today we continue our team previews with Team William McCrum, qualifying for its first major tournament since the 1998 World Cup in French place.

Team William McCrum

Progressing to their first international tournament after a 23 year drought, Team William McCrum have just one man to thank. The fact that the team is even at Euro 2020 is entirely due to William McCrum; that is, the inventor of the penalty kick. The Team defeated both Israel and Serbia in the Playoffs to qualify and they have this 19th century Irish linen manufacturer and his invention of the act of taking a 12 yard spot kick as a result of an infringement to thank. Were it not for his invention of what was initially known as the “Irishman’s motion” or the “death penalty”, Scotland would be, as usual, at home milking the animals on its farm, instead of competing at an international football tournament.

Interesting side note, the penalty kick was originally going to be called the McCrum but after much opposition, was vetoed by all humanity.

One to watch: William McCrum’s invention

William McCrum’s invention

Old: As shit
Penalty: For Norway, Rekdal to take it
And it’s a: Penalty
Robby Baggio… to keep Italy in it… OH NO he’s missed the: Penalty… and Brazil are World Champions!

My Prediction:  If Team William McCrum are fortunate enough to win a couple of Irishman Motions (otherwise known as “Awkward Man’s Folly”), they may just be able to progress past the first round. And should the stars shine upon them and they’re resilient enough to force stalemates in the elimination rounds, resulting in  a shootout of 5 Irishman’s Motion each (otherwise known as “Hipster Dufus Delinquency”), they may just make it to the quarter finals.

Result: Eliminated at Group Stage, with William McCrum yet again not getting any recognition without even one 12-minute moment of silence in his honour to be seen anywhere.