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A Deep Dive into: Love [pt.10] – Even with rules, sex with a friend you love and admire will at least change the friendship and at worst, ruin it.

This is a deep dive into the one word that may be more confused or have a greater subjective meaning than any other in the English language: Love. What does it really mean?

I'm not mad.

Elaine: Okay, so fine. Go.
Jerry: What happened to the rules? Remember? Sleeping over was optional.
Elaine: Yeah, it’s my house, it’s my option.
Jerry: It has nothing to do with whose house it is.
Elaine: Oh, of course it does.

Even with a shit ton of rules, sex with a friend you love and admire doesn’t work. 

If you have a friend you truly admire in a way that inspires you, love in a way that just being talking to them, seeing their face or being around them brings you joy, and are able to be vulnerable with them, sex is something that will at least change that friendship, and at worst, ruin it.

And it may be that the reason for it is that sex with a friend you love (in the Montaigne or Platonic sense of the word) immediately leads to attachment, possible jealousy, a sense of possession and unhealthy fears of losing them (whether on an emotional, chemical, or physical level). It’s possible it immediately removes the friendship from a place where you are genuinely happy, whether it’s with you they spend their time, or not.

Is it something chemical, primal or emotional that changes us and the connection with the friend we love after sex?

There is the possibility that sex with a friend you love may create a deeper connection with them that was not there previously. But either way, a deep connection of love, admiration and pure joy of the presence of being close, warm and vulnerable around a friend may be the ultimate and most joyful type of relationship.

Even with a bunch of rules, it doesn’t work. And if the thought of losing that person from your life makes you sad, it’s probably not worth it.

And it didn’t work for Jerry and Elaine:×9/