***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
With the Qlamqtar 2022 world cup only about 14 periods away (depending on your own set of menstrual circumstances), I’m going to be answering all the burning questions leading up to the tournament. Today, I take a look at Qatar, the first World Cup host nation in history to never have previously qualified for the tournament.
Finally figured out an easy (but kinda pricey) way to qualify
Nickname: The Maroon
FIFA Ranking: 46 (Oct 2021)
In 2022, The Qataris will be making their debut at the FIFA World Cup, and after several previous fruitless attempts to qualify, the national football team has finally figured out what it takes to win a place at soccer’s biggest stage. And it’s not hours and hours on the training pitch, grinding out tough results in far away, hostile locations or even simply luck, but all it takes is US $180billion, 10 brand new stadia, a few new airports, a completely overhauled transport infrastructure network and over 6 and-a-half thousand migrant worker deaths. Simple. After realizing that the only thing required to do to qualify for the world cup is to just host it, Qatar then applied to host the 2026 tournament. However they were immediately disappointed to learn that the event’s hosting rights had already been awarded to USA, Mexico and Canada.
One to Watch: The exposed wires in your cramped inhumane living quarters
If you’re a migrant worker, then you’re gonna wanna keep an eye on this. Particularly if, and more likely when your apartment floods. Knowing exactly where to step when water seeps into your apartment and turns it into a way less fun, real-life game of ‘Floor is Lava’ (where the lava is live electrical current and touching it means 5mA of 110V AC pumping through your body and instantly frying your heart) is going to also help you avoid having a bad time in Qatar.
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
Nothing, just a bunch of bullshit friendlies