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Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Team Profile | SUDAN: Will be able to see what the hell it’s doing once the Great Green Wall’s finished (hopefully 2030)

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

With the Qlamqtar 2022 world cup only about 11 periods away (depending on your own set of menstrual circumstances), I’m going to be answering all the burning questions leading up to the tournament. Today, I take a look at Sudan, who are one of the three participating nations at the first ever AFCON in 1957, but yet to qualify for a FIFA World Cup.

Construction of Sudan’s Great Green Soccer Pitch is way behind schedule, but completion is expected by 2031, at which point it will stretch all the way across its flag

SUDAN
Will be able to see what the hell it’s doing once the Great Green Wall’s finished (hopefully 2030)

The Sudanese national team during a training session (only 3 minutes earlier there was a grass pitch soccer pitch here)

Nickname: Falcons of Jediane/Desert Hawks
FIFA Ranking: 124 (Nov 2021)

The Great Green Wall is a multi-billion, multinational project aiming to build a barrier of forestry that runs along the Sahel transitional realm, over approximately 8000km across the entire width of the African continent. Initiated in 2007, its purpose is to counter desertification (by holding back the creeping sands of the Sahara), biodiversity loss, extreme heatwaves, extreme poverty caused by loss of arable lands, and the arenaceous burial of soccer fields, players and their equipment. And while the Sudanese national soccer team was once a force to be reckoned with in Africa, due to an increasing frequency of sand storms and shifting of sand dunes, its players, coaches and administrational staff increasingly find themselves either not even being able to see where the ball is, or simply getting continuously buried in piles and piles of beach dirt. Well past the midpoint in its 23-year plan, the project is only 4% complete, leaving Sudan’s national team players wondering if they’re ever going to be able to finish even one god damn training session without ending up neck-deep in sand, or the soil of their pitches just straight up getting blown away from underneath them.

One to watch: The pyramids of Meroë

When you think of pyramids it’s Egypt that usually springs to mind, but in fact Sudan has even more of them than Giza–around 200 in fact. But don’t blink, because these ancient Nubian shrines and tombs built around 2500BC are unique not only because they are prone to weathering and deterioration caused by shifting sand dunes and frequent dust storms, but they’re the only pyramids that some Italian treasure hunter idiot back in the 1830s exploded the tops off, to try gain access to ancient artefacts within. Mamma mia!

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

No matter the time, place, situation, or whether they’re currently in the middle of an extreme heatwave or not, Sudanese love to share a cup of scalding hot tea (chai) with friends

Upcoming matches

AFRICAN CUP OF NATIONS CAMEROON 2021
Jan 11, 2022
SUDAN 🇸🇩 x 🇬🇼 GUINEA-BISSAU

Jan 15, 2022
NIGERIA 🇳🇬 x 🇸🇩 SUDAN

Jan 19, 2022
EGYPT 🇪🇬 x 🇸🇩 SUDAN