Categories :

Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Team Profile | SLOVAKIA: All citizens required to either be Marek Hamsik or, at the very least, have Marek Hamsik hairstyle

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

With the Qlamqtar 2022 world cup only about 14 periods away (depending on your own set of menstrual circumstances), I’m going to be answering all the burning questions leading up to the tournament. Today I take a look at Slovakia, aiming to qualify for their second FIFA World Cup.

Slovakia kicked its only soccer ball over the weird hill with the creepy cross like, I don’t know, aaages ago and just have been too much of a pussy to go get it

 

 

SLOVAKIA

All citizens required to either be Marek Hamsik or, at the very least, have Marek Hamsik hairstyle

Slovakia have only qualified for just the one FIFA World Cup since the dissolution of Czechoslovakia in 1992. But in their solitary appearance in South Africa in 2010, the team exceeded all expectations, making the round of 16 and stunning the defending champions Italy 3-2 along the way. And while this result shocked the soccer world, Slovakians are still convinced that they could have gone way further and maybe even won the whole goddamn thing had the team been made up solely of Marek Hamsiks. This meagre amount of Marek Hamsiks (one) in the national side has been blamed for not only the team’s 2010 World Cup elimination, but also Repre’s terribly underwhelming results ever since.

One to watch: Marek Hamsik duh

This cunt. Just watch him. Fuck the rest of this Slovak-yawn team. And now that he’s getting on (he’ll be 35 by the time Qlamqtar 2022 kicks off), you’re not going to get many more chances to see him on the international stage. So fuck what you’re doing, quit your job, dump your girlfriend, sell your dog and just fully deep dive into Youtube highlights of this motherfucker till your eyeballs bleed. Your hemorrhaging eyeballs will thank you for it later!

 

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

 

Upcoming matches
World Cup Qualifying | Europe | First Round

Oct 8
Russia 🇷🇺  x 🇸🇰  Slovakia

Oct 11
Croatia 🇭🇷  x 🇸🇰  Slovakia

Nov 11
Slovakia 🇸🇰  x 🇸🇮  Slovenia