Categories :

Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Profile | SIERRA LEONE: Everything is all Umaru Bangaru’s fault

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 14 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), anthe first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Sierra Leone, which has qualified for the World Cup on six occasions.. Today, I take a look at Sierra Leone, who blew it in the first round of qualifying, by missing a decisive injury time penalty against Liberia. That, just like everything else that blows in the country is all team captain Umaru Bangaru’s fault. 

The middle stripe is now blank, after Umaru Bangaru’s face was recently removed from it

SIERRA LEONE
Everything is all Umaru Bangaru’s fault

Nickname: Leone Stars
FIFA Ranking: 117 (October 2022)

FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to qualify

Sierra Leone blew it against Liberia and failed to even make it to the second round of African qualifying. So how did they blow it?

After a demoralising 3-1 loss in the first leg in Monrovia Sierra Leone could have been forgiven for just dropping dead and giving up in the return leg in Freetown. But unlike life in Sierra Leone, there was still hope and thanks to a Kei Kamara strike not long after the break, the home town side were on the verge of qualification, needing just one more unanswered tally to go through on away goals.

However, deep into second half injury time, they still hadn’t managed to notch the vital second, until the 93rd minute, where… wow, PENALTY. Holy shit in hell!

Some guy called Bengura or something stepped up to the spot… a goal would send them throughhhhh… but the Liberia goalkeeper Williams SAVED IT. Fuck me dead. Game over. Liberia went through to the second round, winning 3-2 on aggregate. They are grouped with Cape Verde, Nigeria and Central African Republic.

What positives can Sierra Leone take from their fucked up qualification where they totally blew it?

In a surprising twist of fortune, not only was Bengura rewarded for his courage to step up and take (miss) the penalty with plenty more free time and fewer annoying trips in the near future, but immediately following the loss, he was also showered with the attention of the national team’s fans. Their attention and showering came in the form of stones being pelted at his house. Africa has all sorts of weirdass rituals and customs so this may have been a bad thing however.

One to watch: Umaru Bangaru

Do not let this guy near the fucking ball every again. Actually, if you work at a stadium and he wants to get in, can you just not even let him inside. He is not to be within 100 feet of a ball. Thank you.

The highpoint: Second round, 2010 World Cup qualifying

Sierra Leona in action against Teko Modise’s arm in World Cup 2010 qualifying

Sierra Leone’s best effort in World Cup qualifying came just at the right time–in qualifying for Africa’s first ever World Cup. And the Leone Stars dared to dream of being one of the five African nations at the football’s showpiece after defeating Guinea-Bissau in the first round. Sadly, though, the dream was snuffed out in the next round though as they got rolled by Nigeria, who topped the group, but not before it knocked off the World Cup hosts South Africa 2-1 at home.

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

Upcoming matches

None, because they (Umaru Bangaru) fucked up bigtime.