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Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Profile | SAUDI ARABIA: Men, lock up your wives (because the national team coach will steal them when you die)

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 14 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Saudi Arabia, which have qualified for the World Cup six times.

 

The inscription on Saudi Arabia’s flag is a warning to national team coach Hervé Renard regarding the nation’s women: “Hands off (or we’ll take them off for you)”

SAUDI ARABIA
Men, lock up your wives (because the national team coach will steal them when you die)

The Saudi making a team pact to not let their coach talk to their wives, even when they’re around

FIFA Ranking: 51 (October 2022)
Nickname: The Green Falcons
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Qualified

The head coach of the Saudi Arabian national team Hervé Renard has had a storied coaching career already, with prior stops as club manager in France and China, as well as taking the reins of the Zambian, Morocco, Ivory Coast. And throughout the early part of his coaching journey he looked up to and modelled his leadership on his former mentor, Bruno Metsu, who had a similar career trajectory, leading clubs sides in France and across the middle east, along with the national teams of Senegal, Guinea and Qatar. Then he died, and Renard married his widowed wife.

Final score: Hervé Renard 1-0 Bruno Metsu

One to Watch: Hervé Renard

The sly dog.

The highpoint: Round of 16, 1994 World Cup

Renown for getting hammered or at least swept aside with ease, Saudi Arabia have actually once progressed past the group stage at the World Cup. And to do so, the only thing they had to do is score the greatest goal of the entire tournament.

It’s a simple formula: every time one its players goes on a mindexploding slalom run, beating 10 defenders, the Saudis get out of the group. So there you have it KSA, your recipe for success is easy!

Suaid Arabia just needs to do this if it wants to move on to the round of 16

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

Upcoming matches

FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 | GROUP STAGE

22 Nov 2022
ARGENTINA 🇦🇷 x 🇸🇦 SAUDI ARABIA

26 Nov 2022
POLAND 🇵🇱 x 🇸🇦 SAUDI ARABIA

30 Nov 2022
SAUDI ARABIA 🇸🇦 x 🇲🇽 MEXICO