***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 14 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Saudi Arabia, which have qualified for the World Cup six times.
Men, lock up your wives (because the national team coach will steal them when you die)
FIFA Ranking: 51 (October 2022)
Nickname: The Green Falcons
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Qualified
The head coach of the Saudi Arabian national team Hervé Renard has had a storied coaching career already, with prior stops as club manager in France and China, as well as taking the reins of the Zambian, Morocco, Ivory Coast. And throughout the early part of his coaching journey he looked up to and modelled his leadership on his former mentor, Bruno Metsu, who had a similar career trajectory, leading clubs sides in France and across the middle east, along with the national teams of Senegal, Guinea and Qatar. Then he died, and Renard married his widowed wife.
Final score: Hervé Renard 1-0 Bruno Metsu
One to Watch: Hervé Renard
The sly dog.
The highpoint: Round of 16, 1994 World Cup
Renown for getting hammered or at least swept aside with ease, Saudi Arabia have actually once progressed past the group stage at the World Cup. And to do so, the only thing they had to do is score the greatest goal of the entire tournament.
It’s a simple formula: every time one its players goes on a mindexploding slalom run, beating 10 defenders, the Saudis get out of the group. So there you have it KSA, your recipe for success is easy!
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 | GROUP STAGE
22 Nov 2022
ARGENTINA 🇦🇷 x 🇸🇦 SAUDI ARABIA
26 Nov 2022
POLAND 🇵🇱 x 🇸🇦 SAUDI ARABIA
30 Nov 2022
SAUDI ARABIA 🇸🇦 x 🇲🇽 MEXICO