***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is only about 8 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Russia, banned from World Cup qualifying prior to competing in the UEFA playoffs.
Nickname: Сборная (The Team)
FIFA Ranking: 36 (Mar 2022)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Suspended and expelled from qualification
Russia, and every Russian palyer and every Russian player for that matter is Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Boooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Boooooo Russia, Boooooooooooooooooooo.
Apart from, you know, the millions of reasons that Russia YEAHHHHHHHHH, we have to remember that right now, and for the next 5, 10 and maybe 20 years, Russia Boooooooooooooooooo.
So apart from all the reasons that Russia YEAHHHHHHHH, Russia Boooooooooooo.
One to watch: Boooooooooooooo
The Highpoint: Nothing. Boooooooooooo
Not only has there never been any highpoints in the history of the Russia national football team (USSR included), but the team has never won a game, all its players awful people and also Booooooooooo Russia Booooooo. To add to the historical misery of the national team, in the final group game of 2022 European Qualifying against Croatia, this idiot, whatever his name is, hurt himself by pulling, what looked to be, a hamstring or calf, then refused to go off after clearly being hobbled, stubbornly stayed out on the field, was traipsing around like a Russian soldier limping out of Kiev, and then cost his team the team a World Cup spot (at the time) with a ridiculously hideous own goal. He is now officially the only person happy that Russia has been expelled from the 2022 World Cup. Well done, Kuryashov of whatever, you can now sleep at night.
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
None. Because Booooooooooooooooooooo.