***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOSFROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 14 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), I’m going to be answering all the burning questions leading up to the tournament. Today, I take a look at and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Puerto Rico, which is yet to qualify for a FIFA World Cup.
If only this was the Miss Universe contest
Nickname: The Blue Hurricane
FIFA Ranking: 174 (September 2021)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to qualify
The incorporated US Island territory of Puerto Rico is what locals answer when they’re asked where they’re from. To which they can expect a ‘Uhhh, what?’ in response. And although its status in the area of international political designation is somewhat awkward and confused, its performance on the Miss Universe stage has been far from that, where its representatives have been HOT HOT HOT, winning the contest 5 times since its creation in 1952, (behind only the USA and Venezuela). Unfortunately the FIFA World Cup is not the Miss Universe contest and when it comes to soccer, Puerto Rico are likened to the Italian, Chinese or British Miss Universe teams of International soccer (all with 0 wins).
One to watch: This
Did you miss this?? Well don’t worry, because here it is! Whatever the hell it was!
The highpoint: 2 points short of advancing to second round playoff, World Cup 2022 qualifying
Puerto Rico’s best effort in World Cup qualifying came in the most recent edition, where it finished the first round group stage just two points short of a place in the second round playoffs. That said, they still finished third, behind has-beens Trinidad and Tobago and group winners St Kitts and Nevis. Yeesh, brutal.