***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 11 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Oman, which is yet to qualify for a World Cup.
Is Mountain Dew not a sports drink?
Nickname: Al-Ahmar (The Reds)
FIFA Ranking: 78 (Nov 2021)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to qualify
The fizzy pool of yellow known as Mountain Dew is consumed in such copious amounts by Omanis that it even gets referred to as the alcohol of Oman. But while the pee-coloured abomination brings happiness to all when enjoyed socially, its wretchedness as a hydration fluid for athletic performance is well documented. Yet this information seems to not have been communicated throughout the Omani national team, even though all it would really take is for the coaching squad or doctors or whoever to take one look across at the opposing dugout and note that Mountain Dew is not a normal thing to drink. If only The Reds had been replenishing their fluids with more established, less discredited sports drinks, and not the highly viscous bottle of sick known as ‘The Dew’, perhaps they wouldn’t keep failing to get over the final hurdle every four years in qualifying.
One to watch: Oman’s wretched equal-dead-last ranking in the Global Terrorism Index
With a heavy-handed and torturey approach to prosecution, Oman is ranked among the safest nations in the world in terms of terrorism. Thanks to its comprehensive condemnation of idealogical extremism and a zero-tolerance approach to crime of any sort, (along with prosecution and sentencing powers being held by the Sultanate) Oman sits equal-dead last in the GTI rankings that measure Terrorisms perniciousness affects on nation states.
The highpoint: One point shy of kind of shitty-kind of not Australia, World Cup 2022 qualifying
Oman’s World Cup 2022 qualifying was its most impressive to date, and the team fell just one point of short of taking third place in the group and a playoff spot against UAE. Sadly, one point shy of kind-of-crappy-but-kinda-not Australia, who ended up qualifying after a penalty win over Peru, is a great sign for its future.
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
FIFA ARAB CUP | Qatar 2021
Iraq 🇮🇶 x 🇴🇲 Oman
Oman 🇴🇲 x 🇶🇦 Qatar
Oman 🇴🇲 x 🇧🇭 Bahrain
WORLD CUP QUALIFYING | Asia | Third Round
Jan 27, 2022
Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 x 🇴🇲 Oman
Feb 1, 2022
Oman 🇴🇲 x 🇦🇺 Australia
Mar 24, 2022
Vietnam 🇻🇳 x 🇴🇲 Oman
Mar 29, 2022
Oman 🇴🇲 x 🇨🇳 China