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Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Team Profile | MONTSERRAT: Still reeling from losing the final on the last day of the 2002 FIFA World Cup South Korea/Japan

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

With the Qlamqtar 2022 world cup only about 13 periods away (depending on your own set of menstrual circumstances), I’m going to be answering all the burning questions leading up to the tournament. Today, I take a look at central Caribbean nation Montserrat.

Due to ever-present ash clouds making sports difficult, Montserrat’s citizens are forced to turn to alternative forms of entertainment, such as religion or learning the harp

MONTSERRAT

Still reeling from losing the final on the last day of FIFA World Cup South Korea/Japan 2002

Nickname: Emerald Boys
FIFA Ranking (Sep 2021): 177

On the last day of the FIFA World Cup South Korea/Japan 2002, the final took place, between the two lowest ranked teams in the world at the time, Montserrat and Bhutan. The Emerald Boys journeyed to their final on the day of the world’s biggest sporting event in Thumphu, Bhutan, in a state of disarray, with their national team coach being dismissed only days prior to the biggest game in the team’s history. And then ultimate disaster would then strike the team as they would go on to lose the final 4-0, officially resigning them to not only being losing finalists on FIFA World Cup Final day but, also as is customary for losing World Cup finalists, dropping them instantly to last in the FIFA Rankings (#203). The match was hosted by the phlegmatic and peaceful Bhutanese in the spirit of peace, harmony and cooperation, and in this match there were no losers. Except for Montserrat, who lost, big time, by four goals to be exact. Woof.

One to watch: Really anything would be great

This is the only goddamn thing Montserrat’s soccer players can see when trying to play a soccer match

The Montserrat national football team have never climbed above #165 in the FIFA World Rankings, and many put it down to the volcanic ash that’s stubbornly remained in the eyes of its national team players ever since its first attempt at World Cup qualification for South Korea/Japan 2002. The seismic sediment that has been ejected from Montserrat’s Soufriére Hills volcano throughout the last 20 years is kicked up by rain, ends up in players’ eyes, and then forces them to stop every few minutes just to wash them out. The stinging the ash causes is not only unbearable for players but also makes scoring goals, defending or even seeing where the freaking ball is extremely difficult.

Brighter days may be ahead though as fans of the Emerald Boys are hoping that with no eruptions in almost 10 years now, the residual ash that remains on the ground and in players’ eyes will soon be so negligible that the Emerald Boys can finally see what they’re doing, or at least where the goddamn ball is.

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

Montserrat is the only country apart from Ireland to have a public holiday for St Patrick’s Day

Upcoming matches
None for now, but maybe as soon as they wash the ash out of their eyes