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Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Team Profile | MAURITANIA: If there were a FIFA ranking for nations who’ve only just criminalized slavery they’d be 1st

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

With the Qlamqtar 2022 world cup only about 11 periods away (depending on your own set of menstrual circumstances), I’m going to be answering all the burning questions leading up to the tournament. Today, I take a look at the North African nation of Mauritania, who were eliminated in the second round of qualifying for the 2022 World Cup.

Mauritanian football fields used to be flanked by bloodied moats filled with the corpses of slaves who had attempted to flee

MAURITANIA

If there were a FIFA ranking for nations who’ve only just criminalized slavery they’d be 1st

Nickname: Al-Murabitun
FIFA Ranking: 103 (Nov 2021)

In 1981, Mauritania became the last country in the world to abolish slavery, officially criminalizing it only 14 years ago. Which also means that it’s the highest ranked FIFA nation among those who’ve only made slave trade legal in the 21st century, with Niger (ranked #113) being the only other FIFA member to do the same only this century. But the Mauritanians shouldn’t get too comfortable atop the pile, because should FIFA recognise current non-FIFA-affiliated Western Sahara, who only outlawed slavery in 2010, it would be The Dromedaries, as they’re known, who’d take Mauritania’s place as the world’s new abolitionist champion.

One to watch: ANY of the 300+ beauties in Nouadhibou, the world’s largest ship graveyard, where EVERYTHING must GO GO GO but CAN’T CAN’T CAN’T!!

AVAST YE, MATEY!! IT’s A SALE SALE SALE!!! If you’re on the lookout for an inexpensive way to get into sea-faring or just another vessel to add to your cross-sea migrant smuggling fleet, then look no further than Nouadhibou’s abandoned ship graveyard! What originally was just a tiny side hustle for us here in Mauritania, turned out to be somewhat of a money spinner for local authorities as they increasingly accepted bribes to allow ship owners to dump their rotting seacraft in the Mauritanian bay. BUT FORGET ABOUT THAT BECAUSE WE’RE HERE TO GET YOU INTO THE BOAT OF YOUR DREAMS! And you look like someone who KNOWS what they want, so go ahead, take one of these babies for a spin! All we need from you is a one-time-only, full and complete payment of the whole amount and then not only will we tow you, FREE OF CHARGE, out of the bay and into the North Atlantic Ocean, but we’ll even throw in a battery-powered propeller that might possibly get you moving. Just one thing, beware of those pesky Nigerian pirates coming up from the Guinean Basin, but you know what, actually don’t even worry it, because you’ll be dead before you even notice them! Wait whow Did I say that Whoops, never mind, TIME TO WEIGH ANCHOR AND HOIST THE MIZZEN! SAIL HO!

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

Mauritania’s currency is just one of two in the world that is non-decimal, whereby its sub-units are not divided into 10; this leads to zero confusion locally

Upcoming matches

FIFA ARAB CUP | Qatar 2021
Nov 30
Tunisia 🇹🇳 x 🇲🇷 Mauritania

Dec 3
Mauritania 🇲🇷 x 🇦🇪 UAE

Dec 6
Syria 🇸🇾 x 🇲🇷 Mauritania

AFRICAN CUP OF NATIONS | Cameroon 2022
Jan 12
Mauritania 🇲🇷 x 🇬🇲 Gambia

Jan 16
Tunisia x 🇲🇷 Mauritania

Jan 20
Mali 🇲🇱 x 🇲🇷 Mauritania