***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
With the Qlamqtar 2022 world cup only about 14 periods away (depending on your own set of menstrual circumstances), I’m going to be answering all the burning questions leading up to the tournament. Today, I take a look at Maldives, whose best World Cup performance is holding South Korea to a 0-0 draw and defeating Vietnam in 2006 World Cup qualification.
Glug glug glug
Nickname: The Sea/The Red Snappers
FIFA Ranking: 156 (Oct 2021)
Rising sea levels are of particular concern to Maldives as over 80% of its islands are less than one metre (3.3ft) above sea level. Not only does this gravely worry the nation’s half a million inhabitants but it makes any attempts at playing soccer difficult, not to mention incredibly perilous. While training sessions or matches are in progress, players must keep one eye on the ball and the other on the tide as training sessions often either at best descend into a waterlogged farce on a flooded pitch, or at worst a grisly bloodbath where players are savagely dismembered by tiger sharks.