Categories :

Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Team Profile | CONGO: It Lives

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is only about 7 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Congo, which is yet to qualify for a World Cup.

Congo’s generic green-red-yellow cliché Pan-African flag scheme is exactly what you’d expect for a national team trying to fake its own existence

CONGO
It Lives

Nickname: Red Devils
FIFA Ranking: 98 (Mar 2022)

FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to advance from second round (CAF), finishing behind Senegal, Togo and Namibia

Deep within the deep, dark canopies of the Congo rainforest reputedly lies a mythical beast known as Congo national soccer team. And despite no compelling evidence to confirm its existence, many still believe it exists, is always there, and there’s even been reports of sightings not only locally but even abroad.

This photo appears to show a member of Congo National Team, Thievy Koulossa Bifouma, in his natural environment

For over 62 years, these myths have abounded, with several sightings being reported. However, to date, no compelling evidence exists that the fabled, mysterious Congo national team actually lives. There has been some grainy footage of a strange national team seen battling South Africa in a decisive final matchday of qualifying for the 1998 World Cup, and on 7 occasions at the Africa Cup of Nations (including being spotted at the top of the podium after the AFCON 1962 Final), but the images are speculative at best and their contents remain unconfirmed by cryptologists and historians.

Supporters of the myth point to Congo National Team’s 1998 World Cup campaign as incontrovertible proof it exists. Believers claim that it finished just shy of Bafana Bafana, and had it won its final game it would have been them–and not South Africa–rubbing shoulders with France, Saudi Arabia and Denmark in their group at France 98. But this is disputed also, as evidence shows that it was indeed South Africa and not some ‘Congo’ who took part in the 16th World Championship of soccer. And no further evidence has been witnessed since.

Congo National Soccer Team has been sighted on occasions wandering around this stadium in Brazzaville

Recent attempts to locate the team online and confirm its existence have been launched, with exhaustive searches returning some promising results, but ultimately these have proved to be fruitless with most arguing that, most likely, the identity of Congo is merely the Democratic Republic of Congo, a far more frequently sighted and far more successful national soccer team.

If this photo of Congo National Team is in fact legitimate, it would be some of the most convincing evidence of its existence yet

One to watch: Mokele-mbembe

On top of the mysterious existence of a national soccer team that exists within the Republic of Congo, there’s also another mythical entity that is rumored to be found there. Its name is Mokele-mbembe and this giant dinosaur-like creature is said to be a herbivore and roar like a lion, and purported to live in the rivers within the remote north of the country. However, several expeditions have failed to produce any plausible evidence of its existence other than a large claw-shaped footprint recorded by a French missionary in 1776. And while witnesses have reported seeing the giant lizard-like creature rise up out of the water and chase them away. Much like for the Congo national soccer team, the search continues.

The Highpoint: Falling just short of qualification for France 98 (disputed)

Does this video prove Congo National Team exists?

Captured by a film crew in late 1997, the above video shows what appears to be the mythical Congo National Soccer Team. Despite leaving experts unconvinced, the footage seems to show Congo National Team, playing the final World Cup Qualifier of its 1998 campaign, where, just prior to this, its been claimed they went into the match knowing a win would book their place at France 98. The video has sparked debate as to whether Congo National Team actually exists but upon close scrutiny of the vision, that appears to be the case. However, some argue that its merely a hoax, with trick videography and image doctoring being used, since nothing was heard of Congo National Team on the theme of the World Cup prior to this, and nothing has been heard ever since.

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

Visitors to the Congo are encouraged to learn ESP as Congolese typically greet each other not with a handshake and a ‘How ya doin, buddy?’ but by reading each other’s minds

Upcoming matches

AFRICA CUP OF NATIONS 2023 IVORY COAST | QUALIFYING – GROUP STAGE
4 June 2022
MALI 🇲🇱 x 🇨🇬 CONGO

8 June 2022
CONGO 🇨🇬 x 🇳🇦 NAMIBIA

19 Sep 2022
CONGO 🇨🇬 x 🇸🇸 SOUTH SUDAN