***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
With the Qlamqtar 2022 world cup only about 11 periods away (depending on your own set of menstrual circumstances), I’m going to be answering all the burning questions leading up to the tournament. Today, I take a look at tiny eastern African island nation Comoros, who’ve just qualified for their first ever African Cup of Nations but yet to qualify for a World Cup.
Mm… Someone smells good!
Nickname: The Coelacanths
FIFA Ranking: 132 (Nov 2021)
Comoros is the world’s largest producer of the essence of ylang ylang, the essential oil used in perfume manufacture. It’s also the second largest exporter of vanilla (Fuck you, Madagascar). So despite its diminutive stature and tiny population, it’s no surprise its confidence is skyhigh; no one smells better out there and they know it too. Even though they’re frequently getting shot down, the team’s always getting compliments on how good they smell. And while they can’t complain, Comoros is sick of answering the question ‘I love that perfume you’re wearing, what is it?’. The country and team can now finally heave a sigh of relief after the national team recently made history by qualifying for their first ever African Cup of Nations (the 2nd smallest nation to ever do so, after Cape Verde), meaning they’re finally going to be known for more than just its sexy musk.
One to watch: This mongoose lemur
Just take a look at this guy. Is it cute? Is it an idiotic nutjob? Who fucking knows. The mongoose lemur is found only on the island of Madagascar and its neighbouring archipelago of Comoros. But is that a good thing? I don’t know. Look at this fucking bugeyed idiot. Is it adorable? Is it disturbing? Does it want to give you a big hug or claw your eyes out and maul your face off like a goddamn psycho? Who fucking knows.
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
AFRICAN CUP OF NATIONS CAMEROON 2021
10 Jan 2022
COMOROS 🇰🇲 x 🇬🇦 GABON
14 Jan 2022
MOROCCO 🇲🇦 x 🇰🇲 COMOROS
18 Jan 2022
GHANA 🇬🇭 x 🇰🇲 COMOROS