***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

With the Qlamqtar 2022 world cup only about 14 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), I’m going to be answering all the burning questions leading up to the tournament. Today, I take a look at China, hoping to qualify for its second World Cup.

CHINA

1.4 billion people, not even 11 decent soccer players

Nickname: Dragon’s Team
FIFA Ranking: 75 (Sep 2021)

There are several tiny ass countries (compared to China) around the world that are able to scrounge together a group of competent soccer players. For instance, Iceland has just 360,000 people and they know how to make soccer ball go in net. Hell, Croatia is less than 1/200th the size of China and they’ve made the World Cup Final. If you walk into a supermarket in Rejkavik, Zagreb or even Sarajevo, you’re sure to find at least one cunt who can play the game, but on the flip side, you could swing a dead cat all day and night on a platform at Beijing West Railway Station (which moves 50 million passengers a day) and not hit one person who knows how to play the sport.

One to watch: Dunno, someone, anyone who knows how to do soccer

Seriously, China. Is there even one guy in your country who knows how soccer works? C’mon China, just one measly decent player I mean seriously.

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

Upcoming matches
World Cup Qualifying | Asia Round 3

Nov 11
China 🇨🇳 x 🇴🇲 Oman

Nov 16
China 🇨🇳 x 🇦🇺 Australia

Jan 27
Japan 🇯🇵 x 🇨🇳 China

Feb 1
Vietnam 🇻🇳 x 🇨🇳 China

Mar 24
China 🇨🇳 x 🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia

Mar 29
Oman 🇴🇲 x 🇨🇳 China