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Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Team Profile | BELIZE – No Adequate Training Facilities, No Resources, No Hope

 

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS IN MY STREET ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

With the Qlamqtar 2022 world cup only about 14 periods away (depending on your own set of menstrual circumstances), I’m going to be answering all the burning questions leading up to the tournament. Today, I take a look at Belize, known as “The Jaguars” to its fans and “Who?” to everyone else.

Belize’s national motto is “Sub Umbra Floreo” (“Under shade we flourish”). Sadly, all its soccer matches are played in fully-exposed sunlight

 

 

BELIZE

No Adequate Training Facilities, No Resources, No Hope

FIFA Ranking: 169

Aptly named “The Jaguars”, the Belize National Football team has successfully adopted the spirit of a scavenger that feeds purely on the carcasses of animals that it played no part in killing. Unfortunately, the national team’s strategy of hoping that at least 38 other CONCACAF countries withdraw from qualification leaving a world cup spot just sitting there for them to take has so far proved an unmitigated failure (only 1, Saint Lucia, withdrew from the first round of CONCACAF qualifying for 2022 leaving Belize still 37 short for successful World Cup qualification).

 

One to watch: El Duende

This goblin is 3 feet tall, has no thumbs and said to be found in Belizean forests. El Duende lures kids into the woods and punishes them for killing animals by biting off their thumbs. Good news for adults though, because if you’re over 18 and want to toss your dog off the balcony or put your pet turtle into a woodchipper, go nuts!

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

Upcoming matches
None – Eliminated in CONCACAF Round  (3rd in group behind Haiti and Nicaragua)