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Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Team Profile | ANTIGUA AND BARBUDA: DJ please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, stop the benna music

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is only about 12 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at  Antigua and Barbuda, wwhich is yet to qualify for a World Cup Qualifying was

Antigua and Barbuda’s national players are all severely sunburned as their kit consists of nothing but a pair of briefs (depicted on its flag)

ANTIGUA AND BARBUDA

DJ please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, stop the benna music

Nickname: The Benna Boyz
FIFA Ranking: 128 (Oct 2021)

FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to qualify

Although it’s impossible for a reggae song to make you sad, the same can not be said about benna, Antigua and Barbuda’s own horrid music genre that consists of a signature call-and-response format where gossip is a main feature and suicide ideation is a common result of listening. Throw on a benna tune, say like this one, or this one, or really any from this playlist and you’ll soon find yourself wanting out of this life, for good. Go on I dare you, slap on one of those painful tracks and I guarantee you, you’re gonna be feeling less hot hot hot and more not not not. Yeesh. Turn it off now, please dear God and Jesus and all His mates above, please make it stop.

One to watch (and listen to): This horror

This song. Just watch and listen to this. This benna song, named Tourism Dying is the reason that you need to just stop and stay away from Antigua and Barbuda and let tourism die there. Just let it die. RIP Tourism in Antigua and Barbuda.

The highpoint: Progressing to the third round of CONCACAF qualifying for the 2014 World Cup

In the 2014 World Cup, Antigua and Barbuda even tried defending with mind control, but it still was just not enough to get them through to the final round

It wasn’t the World Cup, it wasn’t the final round, but it was the ROUND BEFORE THE FINAL ROUND and they did manage a draw against Jamaica (among hammerings by everyone else, pretty much), and for a tiny island nation like Antigua and Barbuda that ain’t bad.

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

An Antiguan woman hears benna playing in the distance and asks a typical question

Upcoming matches
None (eliminated in First Round of CONCACAF World Cup Qualification)