***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 14 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Anguilla, which has been the world’s second lowest ranked team for the best part of the last four years, behind only San Marino.
Hey San Marino, how’s it feel to be ranked 210th and officially be the world’s worst team ya stupid losers haha! *ATTN: San Marino, Please ignore if the FIFA rankings have been updated and now we’re last, okay? Don’t kick us when we’re down. Be cool San Marino alright.
Nickname: The Soccer Dolphins
FIFA Ranking: 210 (October 2022)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to qualify
Typically down the bottom of the FIFA rankings, but not right at the bottom (at least not right now – looking right at you, San Marino. Bitches), the eastern Caribbean nation of Anguilla was recently eliminated from World Cup qualification for Qlamqtar 2022 in the first round. And although they’ve never won a match in their entire World Cup qualification history (scoring just the 2 goals) who gives a fuck really, because Anguilla’s got beaches coming out its asshole and an absolute shit ton of dolphins and what have you got, San Marino? Probably just some shitty ass, cobblestone streets flanked by crumbling piles of rubble, just like every other fucking place in Europe. Not a beach in sight. Fuck you, San Marino, fuck you. *ATTN: San Marino, If you happen to be above us in the FIFA Rankings at the time of reading San Marino, just forget what we said. Chill out San Marino, you know? Be cool.
One to watch: Its shrinking coastline
You know what, fuck trying to watch soccer matches. Keep an eye on the Anguillan coastline, because thanks to soil erosion, frequent hurricanes and the effects of climate change, soon there might not even be anywhere for the soccer team to even play. On the plus side, some of the skills learned in soccer are easily transferable to water sports (like say, water polo) so Anguilla’s soccer players better get ready to start swimming. In any case, even though it soon won’t be there, at least Anguilla’s got a coastline for the moment, which is more than we can say about San Marino.
The highpoint: The two (and only) goals it’s scored in World Cup qualifying
These goals were great, sure, no one can deny that. They were absolute rippers and they’ll go down in history. But sadly, those have been its only two in its entire World Cup history (in a 5-2 aggregate loss to Bahamas in World Cup qualifying).