***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is only about three moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, which is yet to qualify for a World Cup.
SAINT VINCENT AND THE GRENADINES
Where horse reach, donkey go reach
In all of Vincy’s history, it nah reach progress past third round and nah jrive ta even final round of World Cup qualifying. Buh for Jamaica in 1998 and Trinidad & Tobago in 2006, Mother Prium say it won’t always be so and for demdey, one day does go be conquer day and dem see that take time and kill ants and you will find its belly. So mek nah Vincy? Mek nah? Where horse reach, donkey go reach.
The wasteful will always want, don’t aks, and though caah Vincy do bin get good results in the World Cup, like huunching Nicaragua and St Kitts and Nevis twice in 2006 qualifying, Grenada in 2014 qualifying, Aruba and Guyana in World 2018 qualifying and chupit British Virgin Islands in ta lates campaign, all skin teeth nah laugh, caah it nah give ahwe in Vincy what need ta see demdey at the World Cup finals.
Nah stress to, because to maybe Vincy will nah be, one day go be conquer day. Alldey in te Caribbean gine see. Trust. But even if nah get dey to ta World Cup, weh eye nah see, heart nah grieve.
One to watch: Dorren Hamlet
The most capped player in the history of the national team, Dorren Hamlet is 33, 178cm tall and plays in the midfield. Or is he? Does he even exist? Well, according to Wikipedia, no. Hamlet, who according to some reality has 64 caps since 2008, may in fact be little more than a tormented sole with a mind in turmoil who can nary bear the weight of existence, to the point that in fact, he doth not be, as opposed to be. Perhaps Hamlet is merely a figment of Saint Vincent and the Grenadines imagination, but thinking makes him so.
The Highpoint: Leading the United States for almost six minutes in 2018 World Cup qualifying
In the opening match of the fourth round of CONCACAF qualifying for the 2018 World Cup, Saint Vincent and Grenadines ventured to St Louis for the daunting task of taking on the United States, a team that had qualified for the event on 10 previous occasions. As the match kicked off, with the home nation heavily favoured to demolish the visitors and dominate the group, in the 5th minute, Oalex Anderson weaved inside from the left and gave the Vincy Heat a shock lead. The next five minutes and 30 seconds would be bliss for SVG, as their minds drifted towards the formation of delusions of not only hanging on for the win, but going on and advancing to the final round of the qualification process. Then the US scored, and then again, five more times. Dream=dead.
Now, bear in mind, the United States would go on to botch their own 2018 World Cup qualification in a bullshit way that had to be seen to be believed, allowing Panama, yeah Panama, to book their ticket to the final tournament in Russia, so all things considered, in hindsight that five-and-a-half minute lead Vincy held isn’t actually that great.
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
CONCACAF NATIONS LEAGUE & CONCACAF GOLD CUP 2023 QUALIFYING
24 March 2023
NICARAGUA 🇳🇮 x 🇻🇨 SAINT VINCENT AND THE GRENADINES
27 March 2023
SAINT VINCENT AND THE GRENADINES 🇻🇨 x 🇧🇸 BAHAMAS