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No Need To Kill Yourself: Today and Tomorrow Are Rest Days At Euro 2020 But Don’t Commit Suicide, Because Here’s How My EA Sports FIFA 96 Euro 2020 Tournament Is Going

***I DON’T HAVE UEFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK OR THINK ABOUT ANY NAMES, IMAGES OR VIDEOS PUBLISHED IN MY EURO 2020 PREVIEW, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS, THE TOURNAMENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS EURLO 2020***

Just because UEFA Eurlo 2020 is on a 2-day hiatus, there’s no need to top yourself or jump under a train like Anna Karenina, because this is how my FIFA 96 Euro 2020 tournament is going. Wow. Brace yourself, because here’s where it stands, just 2 days before the Second Round begins. You’re welcome.

Who will win it? Who will lose it? Who will draw it? Let all your concerns be allayed as we show you words and dates signifying when a team plays sport against another team, on FIFA 96.

*[Actual result]

smart

 

Opening Day – Friday 11 June
Group A: Semi-finalist Red Team 🇹🇳  0 – 3 🇮🇹  Blue Team That Should Be Green, White and/or Red Team (21:00, Stadio Olimpico, Rome) [0-3]
🇮🇹  D. Baggio 4′,🇮🇹  R. Baggio 24′, 🇮🇹  Zola 27′, 

 

Day 2 – Saturday 12 June
Group A: Red Dragon Flag Team 🐲  2 – 2 🇨🇭  Boring Ass Red Team (Group A) (15:00, Baku Olympic Stadium) [1-1]

Group B: Hark! A Magical, Mystical Team Descends Upon Foreign Shores From A Mythical Land Way Beyond Yonder, Hark! 🇫🇮  0 – 2 🇩🇰 Ineligible Team (18:00, Parken, Copenhagen) [1-0]


Group B: Team We Got Your Map Right Here, Ukraine 🇷🇺 1 – 1 🇧🇪 Boring Ass Red Team (Group B) (21:00, Saint Petersbug Stadium, Saint Petersburg) [0-3]

 

Day 3 – Sunday 13 June 
Group DWhite Team That Every Time Is Going to Win It All 🏥 2-1 🇭🇷  Still Not Over the Break Up And Just Feels Like A Big Loser Team (15:00, Wembley Stadium, London)
[1-0]

Group C: Please Don’t Think of Hitler When You Watch Us Play Come On Move on Please Team 🇦🇹 – 2🇮🇸 Eurlo 2016 Wildcard Team (18:00, National Stadium, Bucharest)
[2-1]

Group C: Team That’s Waiting For Jaap Stam’s Euro 2000 Penalty To Return to Earth from the Andromeda Galaxy Before It Starts Trying Again 🇳🇱 3-0 🇺🇦 Yellow Team (Group C) (21:00, Amsterdam Arena, Amsterdam) [3-2]

 

Day 4 – Monday 14 June
Group D: Team William McCrum 👴🏻  1 – 3 🇨🇿 Seriously We Are Never Going To Do Anything Better Than Winning The European Championships With The Original Panenka (No One Is) Team (15:00, Hampden Park, Glasgow) [0-2]

Group E: Euro 2004 Wildcard Team 🇬🇷 0 – 1 🇵🇱 Team GLARGLOMORK (18:00, Saint Petersburg Stadium, Saint Petersburg) [2-1]


Group E: Team Forever Cursed by the Demons of 2008-2012 🇪🇸 0 – 🇸🇪  Team Wait Where The Fuck is Zlatan Is Zlatan Not Playing? Fuck (21:00, Stadium La Cartuja, Seville) [0-0]

 

Day 5 – Tuesday 15 June
Group F: Red Team That Totally Blew Their Only Chance To Win Something 67 Years Ago 🇭🇺 0 – 2 🇵🇹 Red Team (18:00, National Stadium, Bucharest) [0-3]

Group F: Blue Team 🇫🇷  1 – 1 🇩🇪 White Team (21:00, Football Arena, Munich) [1-0]

smart

Day 6 – Wednesday 16 June
Group B: 
Hark! A Magical, Mystical Team Descends Upon Foreign Shores From A Mythical Land Way Beyond Yonder, Hark! 🇫🇮  1 – 🇷🇺 Team We Got Your Map Right Here, Ukraine (15:00, Saint Petersburg Stadium, Saint Petersburg) [0-1]

Group A: Semi-finalist Red Team 🇹🇳 0 – 2 🐲 Red Dragon Flag Team (18:00, Olympic Stadium, Baku)


Group A: Blue Team That Should Be Green, White and/or Red Team 🇮🇹 1 – 1 🇨🇭  Boring Ass Red Team (Group A) (21:00, Stadio Olimpico, Rome) [3-0]

 

 

Day 7 – Thursday 17 June
Group C: 
Yellow Team 🇺🇦  0 – 2 🇮🇸 Eurlo 2016 Wildcard Team (15:00, National Stadium, Bucharest)

Group B: Ineligible Team 🇩🇰  1 – 1  🇧🇪 Boring Ass Red Team (Group B) (18:00, Parken, Copenhagen) [1-2]

Group C: Team That’s Waiting For Jaap Stam’s Euro 2000 Penalty To Return to Earth from the Andromeda Galaxy Before It Starts Trying Again 🇳🇱 2 – 0 🇦🇹 Please Don’t Think of Hitler When You Watch Us Play Come On Move on Please Team (21:00, Amsterdam Arena, Amsterdam) [2-0]

 

Day 8 – Friday 18 June
Group E:
 Team Wait Where The Fuck is Zlatan Is Zlatan Not Playing? Fuck 🇸🇪  2-1  🇬🇷 Euro 2004 Wildcard Team 🇬🇷  (15:00, Saint Petersburg Stadium, Saint Petersburg)

Group D: Still Not Over the Break Up And Just Feels Like A Big Loser Team 🇭🇷  1-1  🇨🇿  Seriously We Are Never Going To Do Anything Better Than Winning The European Championships With The Original Panenka (No One Is) Team (18:00 Hampden, Glasgow) [1-1]

Group D: White Team That Every Time Is Going to Win It All 🏥 2 -0 👴🏻  Team William McCrum (21:00, Wembley Stadium, London) [0-0]

 

Day 9 – Saturday 19 June
Group F: 
Red Team That Totally Blew Their Only Chance To Win Something 67 Years Ago 🇭🇺  0-3 🇫🇷  Blue Team  (15:00, Puskás Aréna, Budapest) [1-1]

Group F: Red Team 🇵🇹  0-0 🇩🇪 White Team (18:00, Football Arena, Munich) [2-4]

Group E: Team Forever Cursed by the Demons of 2008-2012 🇪🇸 0-0 🇵🇱 Team GLARGLOMORK (21:00, Satium La Cartuja, Seville) [1-1]

smart

 

Day 10 – Sunday 20 June
Group A: Blue Team That Should Be Green, White and/or Red Team 🇮🇹  2-1 🐲 Red Dragon Flag Team (18:00, Stadio Olimpico, Rome) [1-0]

Group A:Boring Ass Red Team (Group A) 🇨🇭  3 -1 🇹🇳  Semi-finalist Red Team (18:00, Olympic Stadium, Baku) [3-1]

Day 11 – Monday 21 June
Group C: Eurlo 2016 Wildcard Team 🇮🇸 
 1-1  🇳🇱 Team That’s Waiting For Jaap Stam’s Euro 2000 Penalty To Return to Earth from the Andromeda Galaxy Before It Starts Trying Again  (18:00, Amsterdam Arena, Amsterdam)

Group C: Yellow Team 🇺🇦 0 – 3 🇦🇹 Please Don’t Think of Hitler When You Watch Us Play Come On Move on Please Team (18:00, National Stadium, Bucharest) [0-1]

 

Group B: Team We Got Your Map Right Here, Ukraine 🇷🇺  2-2 🇩🇰 Ineligible Team (21:00, Parken, Copenhagen) [1-4]


Group B: Hark! A Magical, Mystical Team Descends Upon Foreign Shores From A Mythical Land Way Beyond Yonder, Hark! 🇫🇮  1-1 🇧🇪 Boring Ass Red Team (Group B) (21:00, Saint Petersburg, Saint Petersburg) [0-2]

 

Day 12 – Tuesday 22 June
Group D:
  Seriously We Are Never Going To Do Anything Better Than Winning The European Championships With The Original Panenka (No One Is) Team 🇨🇿  0 – 2 🏥 White Team That Every Time Is Going to Win It All   (21:00, Wembley Stadium, London) [0-1]

Group D: Still Not Over the Break Up And Just Feels Like A Big Loser Team 🇭🇷  0 – 1 👴🏻  Team William McCrum (21:00, Hampden, Glasgow [3-1]

Day 13 – Wednesday 23 June

Group E: Euro 2004 Wildcard Team 🇬🇷   0 -1   🇪🇸  Team Forever Cursed by the Demons of 2008-2012 (Stadium La Cartuja, Seville)


Group E: Team Wait Where The Fuck is Zlatan Is Zlatan Not Playing? Fuck 🇸🇪  1 -1  🇵🇱 Team GLARGLOMORK (18:00, Saint Petersburg Stadium, Saint Petersburg) [3-2]

 

Group F: White Team 🇩🇪 3-0 🇭🇺 Red Team That Totally Blew Their Only Chance To Win Something 67 Years Ago (18:00, Football Arena, Munich) [2-2]

Group F: Red Team 🇵🇹 0 -2 🇫🇷  Blue Team  (21:00, Puskás Aréna, Budapest) [2-2]

 

smart


KNOCKOUT PHASE

smart

 

Round of 16

Saturday 26 June
1: 🇨🇭 Boring Ass Red Team x 🇷🇺 Team We Got Your Map Right Here, Ukraine  (18:00, Amsterdam Arena, Amsterdam)
2: Blue Team That Should Be Green, White and/or Red Team 🇮🇹  x 🇮🇸 Eurlo 2016 Wildcard Team (21:00, Wembley Stadium, London)
Monday 28 June
6:  Blue Team 🇫🇷 x 🐲  Red Dragon Flag Team   (21:00, National Stadium, Bucharest)
Tuesday 29 June
7: White Team That Every Time Is Going to Win It All 🏥  x 🇩🇪  White Team   (18:00, Wembley Stadium, London)

Quarter-Finals

Friday 2 July
QF1: Winner 6 x Winner 5 (18:00 Saint Petersburg Stadium, Saint Petersburg)
QF1: Winner 4 x Winner 2 (21:00, Football Arena, Munich) 
Saturday 3 July
QF3: Winner 3 x Winner 1 (18:00, Olympic Stadium, Baku)
QF4: Winner 8 x Winner 7 (21:00, Stadio Olimpico)

Semi-Finals

Tuesday 6 July
SF1: Winner QF2 x Winner QF1 (21:00, Wembley Stadium, London)
Wednesday 7 July
SF2: Winner QF4 x Winner QF3 (21:00, Wembley Stadium, London)

FINAL

Sunday 11 July
Winner SF1 x Winner SF2 (21:00, Wembley Stadium, London)