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Love Is In The Air: How Are Your Favourite Terrorist Organisations Celebrating Valentine’s Day?

You may be taking your sweetheart to the place you met for a romantic, candlelit dinner (I know I sure am!) but what about all your favourite terrorist groups… How are they celebrating this most romantic day of them all? Are they just hopeless romantics like the rest of us? We sure think so!

1. Isis

It’s important to share this special day with the person you love, and here you see Isis fighters paired off sharing Val’s Day with the one they’ve chosen. But whoa there, it might be a bit early to go down on one knee! Who could blame them though, Love is a crazy thing.

2. Hamas

A real man knows when to bring out the big guns for love, and Hamas’s so-sweet-you-want-to-melt freedom fighters sure know what love is. Whether it’s staring into your eyes with intent or launching home-made qassam rockets into Israel in an attempt to annihilate all Jews and the State of Israel, Hamas has hit a home run with us this Valentine’s Day! OMG, SWOON… Am I right?!

3. The KKK


Boy, when the KKK graduated from the School of Love, they must’ve passed with an A – A for ‘Awwwwww’. Nothing sets the mood like a night time walk by firelight, and the KKK sure nailed Valentine’s Day this year! Yes, KKK, a thousand times YES!

4. Hezbollah 

“License and registration please, sir… license and registration TO OUR HEART!” Sometimes all that you need to make Valentine’s Day memorable is to keep it simple. So whether it’s a simple explosive device attached to the underside of your car while you and your loved one martyr yourself to Allah in an attack on the American embassy, attacking protest camps and murdering innocent dissidents or kidnapping Israeli soldiers by the Golan Heights border, holding them for ransom and only releasing them when the Israeli Government agrees to exchange them for a number of convicted Hezbollah terrorists, remember the ‘KISS’ rule: Keep It Simple SWEETHEART!

5. The Russian FSB

You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see your sweetheart – well, that’s love! Either that or it’s acute radiation syndrome caused by the lethal nerve agent polonium-210 that killed Alexander Litvenko. Either way, we’re head over heels about the Russian Secret Police!

6. The Israeli Defence Force

Valentine’s Day with your chosen one doesn’t mean you have to leave the kids at home! So whether it’s threatening to put a single silver tipped bullet straight between the eyes of a Palestinian infant or just going for it and destroying entire hospitals in Gaza, whether or not they were used as a hideout for PLO fighters, kids can make your special day with your special one even more special!

7. Eastern European Neo-Nazis

You want to look your best on Valentine’s Day, and that means some basic grooming, an area where Eastern Europe’s growing number of factions have got it locked down! Kiss us now, Eastern European Neo-nazis! Mwah!