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Local Broke-As-Absolute-Shit Spanish Man Not At All Wishing Barça Lose The Tie Against Manchester United Tonight And Bomb Out Of The Champions League

BARCELONA, SPAIN–Local Spanish Man Dave Martin is not at all hoping that FC Barcelona lose their quarter final tie against Manchester United at the Camp Nou tonight. Although unlikely, with the hosts already holding a 1-0 advantage after an away win in Manchester last week, this local Spanish man is wholeheartedly, with 100% of his being, hoping for a win so–when he inevitably purchases illegally unaffordable tickets to their home semi-final leg– he can add even further bleeding of his finances, to compound an already hemorraging financial situation that was on life support a long time ago with doctors repeatedly rolling their eyes and saying, ‘Seriously, this fucking guy? Just pull the plug already.’

Wow! Talk about die-hard club support!

With tickets for this game costing over €200, tickets to the semi-finals can be expected to cost at least that, and should Barça advance from there, tickets to the final, oh dear Jesus God Mary and Jobe, could be expected to go for anywhere up €1000. This would be wonderful news for every single reason for local Spanish Man Martin, as he would have to decide between missing seeing his favourite all-time football team compete in the final in his favourite all-time competition in the UEFA Champions League final in nearby Madrid, or attending, and thereby consequently turning the holocaust that is his financial situation into whatever is worse than the holocaust.

Whow, what a sports fan! He’s giving it all he’s got for his team! This is one local Spanish man any team would want in their corner!