I always thought that compromise in a relationship means both people not getting what they want. I’ve also heard people say they don’t think that’s right though – that it’s about both people getting what they want. But that doesn’t really ring true for me either.
This does though. A friend of mine, who has got his shit together, and whose opinion I value highly, told me this last night. I wanted to take my dog Chunky to the beach and let him run around. Problem is, he’s black and he just looks like all the rest of the darkness at night. And I know my girlfriend wouldn’t approve of this, but I thought, I’ll just let him off. She’ll be right. My friend then said, ‘What would Noa say right now?’ And he said I should kind of split the difference (Which was: take him, but only a leash). Think of what she would do, what I want to do, and split the difference.
Turns out his advice was really good.
I let Chunky off, he bolted, I lost him, and I panicked. There’s one thing that would make my wife-to-be not show up or go through with the wedding tomorrow. And that’s losing Chunky. And I thought it had happened.
So my mate’s advice was spot on. Compromise is not about either people getting what they want, or not, but it’s about taking into account what the other person says (or would say), so one of you doesn’t do dumb shit.