NICE TO KNOW: All Crows in World Express Disinterest, Change Subject Pretty Quickly When Told About Mankind’s Plans to Colonize Mars, Invention of Large Hadron Collider and What Internet Is, But Raise Eyebrows When Told of Mankind’s Ability to Get Two Cheeseburgers For Price of One Simply By Presenting Coupon at Local Burger King

This is some of the cool shit that crows can do.  

Good to Know: 11 Animals That Won’t Be Admitted if You Rush Them In Your Car To Your Local Animal Emergency Hospital

If you happen to come across a hurt or injured animal on the side of the road, or near your house, or just on your twice-weekly midnight wander into the woods to hide your thoughts in a plastic bag from the bad man, the responsible thing to do is to rush …

Great White Shark That Murdered Man In Australia’s Whitsundays On Monday Hoping To Have Charge Reduced To Manslaughter In Queensland’s Supreme Court.

The shark which purposely killed a man in Queensland’s Whitsunday Islands earlier this week is desperately attempting to have his charge of first-degree murder thrown out of the supreme court and reduced to the lesser charge of manslaughter. The shark, which everyone can agree had it in for the man …

HEARTWARMING! Some person somewhere just died for some reason and when told the news, people were saddened and couldn’t say enough nice things about this now-dead person, even though they’d never even known this person’s name, gender, or even that this person actually existed in the first place. WOW, TOUCHING!

This story will tug right at your heart strings. Someone somewhere just died, and despite approximately 99.99999999999999999% of Earth’s population having no knowledge of the existence of this human, people all across the globe have instantly started sharing their insights and stories about what a wonderful, caring and loving person …

IT’S OFFICIAL!!! – Apple releases the new iPhone XS Max – ‘Everything you love just got necessarily fucking massive.’

Just when you thought the images on your screen were as life like and as fucking massive as possible, the iPhone XS Max has made them even more necessarily fucking massiver: Every time you take a selfie, or a photo of your cat doing something funny, or a photo with …

IT’S OFFICIAL: There’s Officially Nowhere on Planet Earth Left Where You Can Walk Outdoors. The Only Area Left on Earth Available for You to Walk In? A 2m x 2m Patch In Your Living Room.

Planet Earth has officially run out of any public space bigger than 2m x 2m where you can actually walk. But luckily, this device, which scientists are at the moment referring to as a ‘treadmill’, will solve that problem. Despite planet Earth no longer having a single outdoor area where …

IT’S OFFICIAL!! The Weather Finally Snaps, Guns Down 35 (Killing 21) in Local Shopping Centre, After Being Called ‘Shit’ One Too Many Times

In today’s news, local natural phenomenon The Weather, 4.5 billion, has wandered into a local shopping centre with an AK-47 and mowed down 35 men, women and children in cold blood. It is believed that the motive for the seemingly unprovoked attack is that The Weather had enough of people …

Sigur Ros isn’t the only thing that makes anything you do seem more meaningful. Also, Los Planetas.

No matter what you’re doing (or have to do), if you put Sigur Ros on while you do it, it’ll make whatever it is seem way more significant (it might even make whatever bullshit chore you have to do feel a lot less bullshit-y, but more existentially-y, like you’re transcending all …

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