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TROUBLING: 6 Signs Your Grandma May Have Recently Become A Terrorist

1. Down the end of the table where your grandma always sits at the weekly Sunday family lunch, there’s a lot more wires, highly-combustible material and books on volatile chemistry than usual.


2. She babbles more than usual about blood being on the hands of the American imperialists and how the Afghanistan insurgency was a purposeful plot by the US to further destabilise the region and encourage the  bloodshed that has triggered this ultimate holy crusade that your grandma is now on. 


3. Whenever you take your grandma to the bingo hall, she always sits at the table that has all the other terrorists on it.


4. Whenever anyone from the family asks your grandma what she wants for Christmas, all she ever says is: ’40 hours solo flight time so I can get my private pilot’s license. And enough jet fuel to get me to Damascus.’


5. She refuses to give you the contact details of who she stays with every time she’s in the northern Syrian Kurdish enclave of Afrin. 


6. Your grandma frequently excuses herself mid-conversation from the table, often saying things like ‘Okay everyone, I’m just popping out to do a spot of terrorism for a bit, but I might be back for tea.’