You know the first date drill: Dinner, drinks and a movie. Boring! If you’ve met someone you’re into and can’t think of anything original to do with them on your first date, here are some ideas:
1. Go to an abandoned quarry and just kind of wander around there for a while
An abandoned quarry is not a place that many people usually go for a first date, so when you suggest it, you can bet your date will be surprised. An open pit mine such as a quarry is a great place to wander around and look at things. Marvel at the wonder of excavated and smashed-up stone, or revel at the magic of broken down and deserted industrial machinery. See how many types of rock you can find and try to guess how many of its ex-workers have died from asbestosis. Not only will walking around the quarry give you a chance to get to know each other better, but quarries are usually on the city outskirts, so driving out to the wastelands in the middle of nowhere will give your date a chance to silently and terrifyingly ask themselves, ‘WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY TAKING ME?’ and deeply fear for their life.
2. Your own divorce hearing from the marriage you’re still in
There’s nothing more romantic than two people professing their eternal love to each other through the holy legal sanctity of marriage. That’s why your date is going to be mega-surprised when you take them to the divorce hearing of your currently-still-active marriage for your first date. Be sure to make them feel a part of it by looking at them in the gallery and giving them the thumbs up in the courtroom when the judge approves of your divorce (or a sad face and a thumbs down if it’s denied).
3. On the edge or inside of an active volcano
Hot Hot Hot! Text your date and tell them, ‘We’re heading on into a volcano tonight!’ The inside of a volcano is not your run-of-the-mill dinner-and-movie date, because not many restaurants or movie theaters give you the opportunity to be horrifically immolated in a pit of fiery death. A word of advice: make eye contact with your date throughout the night–this’ll show you’re interested. But not too much, as you’ll also want to keep an eye out for spraying 2200°F magma too.
4. A day at an ISIS Training Camp
This one is a bit trickier. Not only because camps like these are only found in places such as Syria, Kosovo or South Africa, but also because woman are not generally permitted to enrol. However, rules were made to be broken, right?! Head on down to your closest ISIS training camp (it may require a flight to get there, but you’ll find one of these camps wherever there is out-of-control civil chaos and disillusioned indoctrinated youth). And not only won’t this first date be your usual dinner-and-a-movie snoozefest, but it’ll also be an active adventure, as together, you and your date can work your way through the obstacle course, learn horrific torture techniques and maybe even become famous by being filmed by leaders of the local caliphate in a beheading video.
5. Floating and stranded in the Atlantic Ocean
What’s more fun than a beachside date? A date in the middle of the ocean! Get swept out to sea with your date by a powerful riptide at your nearest surf beach, and then float around while you pray for help. Not only will you get to know each other in a life-or-death situation, you may even get to drown together. A modern day Romeo & Juliet story!
6. Sitting by the side of your terminally ill son’s hospital bed
Sitting in a dark, movie theater for 3 hours gives you little opportunity to have a conversation with your date. But sitting with your date in a brightly lit, sterile hospital room by the bedside of your (or their) dying son gives you plenty! You’ll have ample time to get to know each other in this situation, just don’t be shy to shush the prematurely dying boy when his agonising wails of excruciating pain interrupt your romantic tryst. After all, the date is about you and your lovely companion, no one else!