The only news source you need is The Onion [+ my almost a year without the actual news]

The last time I actively turned on the news or sought it out consciously was about September last year (I was also turning it off whenever I heard it come on the radio too, but I’m less of a dick about that now).

And how many times has it affected me, not staying up to date with it? 0.

Well, okay twice. Once because the Queensland bus drivers went on strike and I had no idea until some nice lady who was walking past the bus stop told me (which actually mightn’t have been reported on the news anyway) and recently, one of my all time heroes in journalism and sports (and a top bloke), Les Murray, who I interviewed twice) died.

That’s it. You don’t need it. It’s a shitty entertainment show aimed at trying to make you seem interested or scared or worried about something that actually is pretty much fucking nothing.

This is the only news source I look at, and it’s more accurate the actual actual actual news. And this encyclopaedia has taught me more about the world in the last 18 months than if I watched BBC, lying on the couch like a slob eating salt & vinegar chips, 24-7, every day for 9 straight months:

onion

And as they say, if you’re a ‘worthless cretin with no reason to live’, here’s how you should read it:

The Onion’s slogan slogan is ‘Tu Stultu Es’. ‘You are a fool’. Yep. Makes sense. And a much better way to approach the world than thinking we know everything.