Why You Do it

BARCELONA, SPAIN–Oooh. 6 NBA Championships… 6 NBA Finals MVPs… 5 Regular Season MVPs… Big Fucking Deal.

How many times has MJ bought a 45g jar of unground black peppercorns only to realise at home it’s not ground and since he doesn’t own a pepper grinder, then attempted to take it back to the store, over a week later, after having lost the receipt, explained to the cashier what happened and that he hasn’t used the pepper at all, request to exchange it for a jar of ground pepper, all in Spanish, then have the attendant go and ask his supervisor, and have him return almost five minutes later with a replacement jar of ground pepper? How many times has His Airness successfully exchanged an errantly purchased condiment at his local supermarket in Barcelona, all in the local language and without proof of purchase?? I can tell you. EXACTLY NO TIMES. Zero point fucking 0. So fuck you, Michael. I win.