When it all comes down to it, and no matter which new contenders to the throne come along (Kobe, Lebron, Kawhi etc.), Michael Jordan is still considered the greatest basketball player ever. 6 trips to the NBA Finals for 6 championships, the same number of NBA Finals MVPs, 5 regular season MVPs, 10 scoring titles and countless NBA records. But despite all his unparalleled success, the debate around who is the GOAT endures, especially since MJ didn’t do it all his own and had a lot of things go his way. So, the question remains: Would Michael Jordan have been the greatest of all-time if he had had a swarm of bees constantly following him everywhere he went, on and off the court?
1. NBA Draft Day, 1984
Ouchy! Although, Chicago’s selection of North Carolina’s Michael Jordan with their #1 pick was already a foregone conclusion, who knows how a swarm of bees would have affected the start of the Michael Jordan career trajectory. It sure would’ve at least made his rookie duties of lugging all the other Bulls players’ gear a little bit harder with his severely stung, swollen hands.
2. The 1988 Slam Dunk Contest
Yeesh. This signature dunk of his Airness’s back in 1988 has been immortalised as one of the signature sports images of the 20th century. But would MJ have been able to jam it from the free-throw line if he was being furiously stung by a mob of tiny apian terrorists at the time? Hmmm… We don’t think so…
Interesting sidenote: Jordan actually swallowed four bees from the time he took off from the free-throw line to the time he landed under the rim (3 workers, 1 drone), which were later extracted and sold to pay for his outstanding car loan debt from his senior year at Emsley A. Laney High School in Wilmington, NC.
3. The Shot, 1989 Eastern Conference Semi-Finals, Chicago Bulls-Cleveland Cavaliers
Yowzer. This buzzer-beating dagger by Michael over Craig Ehlo not only won the game but also clinched the series for the Bulls. But if there had been a shit ton of mega bees in MJ’s face, stinging him repeatedly in the eyeballs and surrounding facial area, would he have made this iconic shot? Let’s put it this way, have you ever tried to make a jumpshot shooting the ball through a pack of bees? Yep, exactly. BFD, Mike. Big Fucking FD.
4. The Dream Team, Barcelona Olympic Games, 1992
Look out! The original Dream Team, this collection of megastars is still widely acknowledged as the most dominant squad assembled in any international sport. But we’re a bit iffy if the team would’ve reigned supreme in Barcelona so easily if they were a man down, specifically because that man was being ambushed and stung within an inch of his life by a swarm of bees everywhere he went, on and off the court!
5. Michael Jordan, Hollywood Star in Space Jam
Better get the Dettol! Sure, Space Jam is arguably the greatest sports movie ever made, but would it have been such a box-office smash if Michael had a truckload of aggravated buzzing insects surrounding him the whole time? We doubt it.
6. Michael’s time with the Chicago White Sox
This one might actually be accurate. A shitload of bees everywhere he went might actually have been the reason MJ sucked so bad during his time as a baseball pro.
7. The Flu Game, 1997 NBA Finals Game 5, Chicago Bulls-Utah Jazz
Someone’s gonna have a lot of booboos! In Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals, Jordan somehow got up out of his sick bed, displaying extreme flu-like symptoms throughout the whole contest, and still somehow managed to carry Chicago to a W. But would the Jazz have taken this game if Jordan was not only affected by the flu but also by thousands and thousands of bees? We’re going to say yes! Sorry Bulls!
8. 1998 NBA Finals Game 6, Chicago Bulls-Utah Jazz
Yikes. Did MJ cheat on his most iconic and arguably the greatest ever last shot ever taken? If you watch the play carefully, you’ll notice that Michael created a clear shot for himself away from Byron Russell by not having a swarm of millions of bees stinging him all around his eyeball sockets. Nice one, Mike. You really let your fans down with this one.
9. Michael Jordan, Team Owner and Business Tycoon
It’s Bees-ness time! Sure, MJ has dominated the business world since his retirement, but picture this: If Michael had to meet with partners, shareholders, agents and athletes regarding his ubiquitous signature Jordan brand while a herd of bees followed him every step of the way, it hard to imagine the bees not having at least some adverse effect on him closing deals in the boardroom.
So there you have it! Wowee, history could have been so different! The next time someone puts forward the debate about who truly is the NBA’s GOAT, now you’ll have another angle to question whether Michael Jordan truly was. It’s easy to win all those rings and MVPs when you don’t have a colony of poisonous lunatic insects surrounding and stinging your ass the whole time. So from now on, let’s put a permanent question mark next to Michael Jordan’s name as the Greatest of all time. Sorry, MJ, but when you’re not getting annihilated by thousands of pissed off little buzzing jerks, it’s easy to bee like Mike!