Fuckin’ Get Into It, Cunt #2: Before The Tajikistani Football League Kicks Off Tomorrow, You’ve Just Got To Check Out These Pictures

Due to the spread of Coronavirus, if you’re a sports fan you may be feeling a large soccer ball/baseball bat/basketball backboard-shaped hole in your life these days. But whow there, we have some good news! Not only are the football leagues of Belarus, Nicaragua and Burundi still in action, but hang …

Fuckin’ Get Into It, Ya Cunt: Before Round 2 Kicks Off Tomorrow, Here Are 19 of the Greatest Moments in the History of Europe’s Only Remaining Active Football League–Belarus’ Vysheyshaya Liga–That You’ve Just Got To Know About

* Publisher’s note: Following publication, we have realised that Round 2 of the Belarusian Vysheyshaya Liga actually kicked off last night with FC Energetik BGU Minsk’s 1-0 victory over Rhu Brest and Torpedo Zhodino’s 1-0 defeat of Belshyna Babruisk. We are deeply sorry for this error and would like to sincerely apologise to …

Whypothetical: What If? The Greatest 90’s NBA Stars To Never Win a Stanley Cup

The 90s were packed full of NBA greats that, had they played in any other era (and a pesky fellow by the name of Michael “The Chicago Mailman” Jordan hadn’t been around), would’ve had a trophy cabinet full of NHL championships. But alas, that wasn’t the case. Here are the top 5 NBA stars from the 90s to never win the Stanley Cup.


1. Charles Barkley

Here’s Phoenix Suns’ Charles Barkley celebrating and overwhelmed with joy after a triple-overtime win in Game 3 of the 1992/93 NBA Finals against the Chicago Bulls. However, celebrating on center ice with the Stanley Cup hoisted over his head is something he wasn’t fortunate enough to do even once.

 2. Patrick Ewing

New York’s Patrick Ewing was involved in some of the most intense Eastern conference contests ever seen, coming out on top several times. However, he disappointingly never came out on top even once in a contest for the most prized trophy in all of international hockey – The Stanley Cup.

3. Reggie Miller

Basketball fans will never forget how Reggie terrorised the New York Knicks deep in the playoffs in the 90s. Hockey fans will never forget how he was never able to win Lord Stanley’s cup, let alone even score a point in any NHL Final game.

5. Allen Iverson

Known as ‘The Answer’, if you ask Allen Iverson how many times he won the Stanley Cup, the answer he will give you is unfortunately “0”.

5. Karl Malone (& John Stockton)

Arguably the greatest big man-little man pairing in NBA history, it’s not arguable how many Stanley Cups both of them won. Sadly, none.

7. The 1995/96 Seattle Supersonics

The Supersonics won 64 regular season games in 1995/96, pushing Michael Jordan’s Chicago Bulls in the NBA Finals. Unfortunately, they won 0 zero games in any NHL Final in the 90s, therefore, in one of sports history’s greatest missed opportunities, they won 0 Stanley Cups.


So there you have it… These greats dominated the NBA in the 90s, but history will tell us they never even once got their hands on the trophy given to the best team in the National Hockey League. It makes you wonder…  would they be good enough to win a Stanley Cup today?

Whoopsie: New Orleans Executive Vice-President David Griffin Accidentally Said The Wrong Name At The NBA Draft, Selecting Boston-area Photographer And Rowing Enthusiast Zack Williamson With The Team’s First Overall Pick Instead of Duke University’s Consensus #1 Zion Williamson

BROOKLYN, NY–Yikes, this is going to make you think twice before you think you’ve got someone’s name right. With the whole basketball world poised to hear New Orleans Pelicans select Duke University’s Zion Williamson with the first overall pick in the 2019 NBA draft, Executive Vice-President David Griffin made a massive …

Go Barça Go, or Whatever: Local Spanish Man Definitely Not Hoping Barcelona Smash Liverpool Tonight But Then Lose On Aggregate So He’s Not Forced To Decide Between Forking Over A Fucking Shit Ton For A Champions League Final Ticket Or Missing Out On Being There

BARCELONA, SPAIN–Much like the quarter finals, local Spanish man, Dave Martin is definitely not hoping at all that Barcelona absolutely rend Liverpool at the Camp Nou tonight, preferably 3 or 17 nil, but then lose on aggregate so he’s not forced to choose between dropping a fucking asston of cash …

Barcelona Football Club Can Have A Big Shiny Silver Thing Given To Them For Free Tonight Because They Have A Higher Number Of A Particular Statistic Due To Putting A Sports Ball Into A Netted Area More Than All Other Similar Sports Teams Over The Last 9-Month Period And This Will Make A Lot Of People Clap And Yell At Them Because They Like It

BARCELONA, SPAIN–By driving an inflated object into a netted area with their legs and heads more times than Levante at the Camp Nou tonight, FC Barcelona can have a shiny silver thing given to them for free because they have a more quantitative integer in a particular statistic than other similar organisations, and …

WHO’S THE GOAT? – The Debate is Finally Settled: Me Vs. Michael Jordan

BARCELONA, SPAIN–Oooh. 6 NBA Championships… 6 NBA Finals MVPs… 5 Regular Season MVPs… Big Fucking Deal.

How many times has MJ bought a 45g jar of unground black peppercorns only to realise at home it’s not ground and since he doesn’t own a pepper grinder, then attempted to take it back to the store, over a week later, after having lost the receipt, explained to the cashier what happened and that he hasn’t used the pepper at all, request to exchange it for a jar of ground pepper, all in Spanish, then have the attendant go and ask his supervisor, and have him return almost five minutes later with a replacement jar of ground pepper? How many times has His Airness successfully exchanged an errantly purchased condiment at his local supermarket in Barcelona, all in the local language and without proof of purchase?? I can tell you. EXACTLY NO TIMES. Zero point fucking 0. So fuck you, Michael. I win.

Local Broke-As-Absolute-Shit Spanish Man Not At All Wishing Barça Lose The Tie Against Manchester United Tonight And Bomb Out Of The Champions League

BARCELONA, SPAIN–Local Spanish Man Dave Martin is not at all hoping that FC Barcelona lose their quarter final tie against Manchester United at the Camp Nou tonight. Although unlikely, with the hosts already holding a 1-0 advantage after an away win in Manchester last week, this local Spanish man is …