Go Barça Go, or Whatever: Local Spanish Man Definitely Not Hoping Barcelona Smash Liverpool Tonight But Then Lose On Aggregate So He’s Not Forced To Decide Between Forking Over A Fucking Shit Ton For A Champions League Final Ticket Or Missing Out On Being There

BARCELONA, SPAIN–Much like the quarter finals, local Spanish man, Dave Martin is definitely not hoping at all that Barcelona absolutely rend Liverpool at the Camp Nou tonight, preferably 3 or 17 nil, but then lose on aggregate so he’s not forced to choose between dropping a fucking asston of cash …

Barcelona Football Club Can Have A Big Shiny Silver Thing Given To Them For Free Tonight Because They Have A Higher Number Of A Particular Statistic Due To Putting A Sports Ball Into A Netted Area More Than All Other Similar Sports Teams Over The Last 9-Month Period And This Will Make A Lot Of People Clap And Yell At Them Because They Like It

BARCELONA, SPAIN–By driving an inflated object into a netted area with their legs and heads more times than Levante at the Camp Nou tonight, FC Barcelona can have a shiny silver thing given to them for free because they have a more quantitative integer in a particular statistic than other similar organisations, and …

Time’s Up, Buddy: After Errant Pass In Today’s La Liga Match Against Espanyol, FC Barcelona Finally Decide To Get Rid Of Argentinian Disaster Lionel Messi

BARCELONA, SPAIN–Wow, just when you thought Lionel Messi may have done enough to salvage his horrendous disaster of a career at FC Barcelona, he goes and confirms why everyone has wanted him gone from the moment he arrived at the club. Misdirecting a pass that almost lead to a shot …