NEWS ALERT: IT’S OFFICIAL!! – I don’t have Facebook or anything but I wanted to let everybody who reads this know that I CONTINUE TO BE ALIVE! Now do the same for everyone you know too, every few hours!!

I will repost this several times a day, for as long as that continues to be the case! You should post it the same amount too! Okay,¬†bye for now friends! Sidenote: I actually am reading Anna Karenina at the moment too. I that doesn’t call for a hot dog, I …

NEWS ALERT!! IT’S OFFICIAL: There’s Officially Nowhere on Planet Earth Left Where You Can Walk Outdoors. The Only Area Left on Earth Available for You to Walk In? A 2m x 2m Patch In Your Living Room.

Planet Earth has officially run out of any public space bigger than 2m x 2m where you can actually walk. But luckily, this device, which scientists are at the moment referring to as a ‘treadmill’, will solve that problem. Despite planet Earth no longer having a single outdoor area where …

NEWS ALERT: IT’S OFFICIAL!! The Weather Finally Snaps, Guns Down 35 (Killing 21) in Local Shopping Centre, After Being Called ‘Shit’ One Too Many Times

In today’s news, local natural phenomenon The Weather, 4.5 billion, has wandered into a local shopping centre with an AK-47 and mowed down 35 men, women and children in cold blood. It is believed that the motive for the seemingly unprovoked attack is that The Weather had enough of people …

NEWS ALERT: IT’S OFFICIAL!! – Peace confirmed in Middle East after Pope Francis ‘calls’ for it. Moments later, Jews, Muslims, Christians, Sunnis, Shiites across region living in perfect harmony, singing, dancing, marrying each other.

On Christmas Day, Pope Francis made the customary annual address from the Vatican. In it, he said ‘the winds of war’ are blowing stronger than ever and he called for an end to the fighting and for a two-state solution in Israel to bring peace to the region (War, being …