Barcelona Football Club Can Have A Big Shiny Silver Thing Given To Them For Free Tonight Because They Have A Higher Number Of A Particular Statistic Due To Putting A Sports Ball Into A Netted Area More Than All Other Similar Sports Teams Over The Last 9-Month Period And This Will Make A Lot Of People Clap And Yell At Them Because They Like It

BARCELONA, SPAIN–By driving an inflated object into a netted area with their legs and heads more times than Levante at the Camp Nou tonight, FC Barcelona can have a shiny silver thing given to them for free because they have a more quantitative integer in a particular statistic than other similar organisations, and …

WHO’S THE GOAT? – The Debate is Finally Settled: Me Vs. Michael Jordan

BARCELONA, SPAIN–Oooh. 6 NBA Championships… 6 NBA Finals MVPs… 5 Regular Season MVPs… Big Fucking Deal.

How many times has MJ bought a 45g jar of unground black peppercorns only to realise at home it’s not ground and since he doesn’t own a pepper grinder, then attempted to take it back to the store, over a week later, after having lost the receipt, explained to the cashier what happened and that he hasn’t used the pepper at all, request to exchange it for a jar of ground pepper, all in Spanish, then have the attendant go and ask his supervisor, and have him return almost five minutes later with a replacement jar of ground pepper? How many times has His Airness successfully exchanged an errantly purchased condiment at his local supermarket in Barcelona, all in the local language and without proof of purchase?? I can tell you. EXACTLY NO TIMES. Zero point fucking 0. So fuck you, Michael. I win.

Local Broke-As-Absolute-Shit Spanish Man Not At All Wishing Barça Lose The Tie Against Manchester United Tonight And Bomb Out Of The Champions League

BARCELONA, SPAIN–Local Spanish Man Dave Martin is not at all hoping that FC Barcelona lose their quarter final tie against Manchester United at the Camp Nou tonight. Although unlikely, with the hosts already holding a 1-0 advantage after an away win in Manchester last week, this local Spanish man is …